It’s funny that for the majority of my life I have shared my space on various levels with another person. Growing up I spent all but one year sharing a room with my sister. When I moved to college I lived in a scholarship house where I lived with 12 girls for 4 yrs and 20 girls for 1yr- that was an experience. Then I moved to NM and lived by myself for 3 1/2 year until I got married. The of course I had a husband for just short of five years.
When life required that I move my wonderful best friend and her husband took me in. I stayed there about three months. Then I moved in with my current roommate Laura. I have only been here two weeks or so. I say all of this to back up the statement that not matter how well you know or life a person something will always rub because I believe that people need space of their own.
So often in relationships of all kinds we focus on the “togetherness” which don’t get me wrong is wonderful. But in order to support that you must have time apart as well, space to maintain who you are as an individual. I hear this all the time from the mom’s in my life. How they have been swallowed up in the caretaker role but once they do any small thing for themselves it’s like a rejuvenating spring that gives them more to give back to the ones they love.
I know by this point you’re thinking, “so what’s up with the new roommate?” Nothing actually. That is not to say that we do not do things differently or have different ideas about things but I kinda know what to expect by now and the only difference is that I’m not afraid to be clear about what I am and am not willing to do/put up with.
This is a bit dicey when the house is not mine, but it’s not like my rent has no collateral. I think I surprised myself this morning then I was asked to be quit for the couch crasher and said no. Not that I was trying to be load but I have to get up and go to work just like every morning and I’m not going to cater to and unexpected house guest. I wouldn’t expect that if it was my sister on the couch.
So here’s to the ever colorful aspects of life-like living and living with people. They make my world so much more interesting than if I was on my own.
Tags: acceptance, blessings, change, choices, co-existing, cooperation, couch crashing, creativity, criticism, family, fun, home, house, imagination, life, living together, memories, motivation, moving, personal space, positive thinking, roomates, self love, sharing space, space, thoughts, unexpected guests
Its been a bit much, making decisions that will affect the next six months/ year of my life.
Its been a bit much, watching the calendar move closer to-day that used to mean so much and now resounds with pain.
Its been a bit much, to not passionately love anything about my life.
Its been a bit much, to move three times in the last six months and still need to rent a moving truck.
Its been a bit much, to watch the love of my life, move on so easily.
Its been a bit much, to be a daughter so overwhelmed that I haven’t had time for my family.
Its been a bit much, when even my cats, know I”m not really here.
So how do I go about changing/ surviving my life?
How do I let myself be here and run madly in the other direction?
How do I open my heart when all I feel is pain?
Because…
Its good, when I do my morning thing.
Its good, when my mom has one last treatment to go.
Its good, when my sister is having a girl!
Its good, when my roommate makes me laugh.
Its good, drinking coffee on the porch.
Its good, listening to the soft purr next to me.
Its good, knowing I am here and there is so much to come.
Its good, because I am alive.
A Crossley 5-2011
Tags: acceptance, bad, blessings, change, choice, choices, creativity, family, good, home, hope, imagination, life, light, loss, love, motivation, moving, over coming, pets, positive thinking, relationships, saddness, thoughts, writing
So I moved into a house with no internet. For some people this wouldn’t be a big deal but for me this needed to be dealt with quickly. I called and set up a dedicated DSL line; seeing as I have a cell phone there was no need for a land line and I stream all the shows that I want to watch on my computer so I don’t see the point in cable.
wireless router
I then went and picked up a wireless router and naively thought that I was done. I came home plugged everything in and nothing happened. Then my more educated room-mates says ” you need a motom.” So the next day I went out and got a motom and a filter for the phone line. Now it all works beautifully.
motom
I find in life lots of “projects” end up like this. We think we know what we are going based on novice level information, we get up to our elbows and realize we need help or more instruction and the whole thing takes twice as long. Now I know I could have let the phone company do it all but I would have had a higher bill and I would have had to do it all over again when I moved the nest time. This way not only did I learn about all the equipment and how it works but it’s all mine; so I’ll only be paying the 20$ a month for the DSL instead of the rental on all the equipment and the installation fees.
phone filter
I’m kinda proud of myself even though I did it the backwards way, that I did do it by myself. Normally this is the kind of thing I would have let my husband handle but since that is no longer an option I’m glad that I stepped up to the plate and did it all for myself. By the way my roommate likes being able to use the computer now and then too.
So here’s to adventuring in unknown territory for the sake of communication and entertainment.
Tags: acceptance, change, choices, creativity, criticism, home, imagination, internet, issues, IT, life, memories, motivation, motom, moving, not so handy, organization, phone, phone filter, positive thinking, technology, thoughts, wireless router
The past few weeks have been a bit crazy. I moved out of my best friends house and into a co-workers house. It has been a good change for me. My best friend had a death in the family and they needed my room for family.
It seems like a small change moving from one place to another but I feel more relaxed and like I have more choices here. Of course the dynamic is totally different. I went from living with a married couple who know me very well, to a girl my age who is an acquaintance. I like being a “roommate,” and being on even ground with the person that I am living with. It is nice to come and go as I please with no other obligations.
That said there is something about always having someone to talk to that I will miss and this new independence is teaching me to do things I never would have before. Like go to the movies by myself. Laura (my room-mate) teases me about it but I’m really proud of myself. For years I didn’t do the things that I wanted to because my husband didn’t want to do them, so now I’m working on doing things for myself.
I am a little torn about the whole moving in June and were/ what I will be doing. I am beginning to feel like maybe I shouldn’t rush off just yet. (warning personal crap) I thought I was doing fine but then I got several emails from my husband and it sent me into a tail spin. I wanted to believe that I was doing fine and “getting on” with my life but the reality is I’m still holding my breath. Not that we will get back together but to see how bad that aftermath will be, how much more will I have to pay in emotional time and financial strain before this all ends. And I realized that maybe I’m not ready to move across the US just yet.
Living with Laura has made me think about how my life here “could” be. Me working my little job living in an apartment with my two cats, figuring out how to be me again. I wonder if this is not the kinder option, instead of going far away to lick my wounds were no one knows me. At the same time it is hard to be here and have everyone quietly expecting me to “be” a certain way. Some people want me to rage and cry and throw a fit about all this, others want me to talk and talk and talk about it. It seems it doesn’t matter that I am choosing to deal with this in my own way and time, there is always someone waiting to tell me I”m doing it wrong.
I don’t really know what to say to those people except, I’m doing the best I can, in the best way I know how. Most of them have never been divorced.
But that is enough about that. Since moving I have been doing yoga three times a week and walking twice a week, eating mostly vegetarian and feeling much better. I am realizing how important morning quiet time and exercise is to making my day better. It’s not about being fit, it is about starting my day with focus and love for myself. I feel better at the end of the day, when I start it off with a quiet heart and mind.
Well I think I have rambled on long enough for now. I will do my best to get back up to speed with the daily writing but it might take a few days to find my groove.
Thanks for all the kind words, love and support. It is encouraging to know my words do not fall on deaf ears.
Tags: acceptance, blessings, change, choices, creativity, environment, home, hope, house, imagination, issues, life, me, motivation, moving, my life, peace, planning, positive thinking, self love, thoughts
“Not As We”
Reborn and shivering
Spat out on new terrain
Unsure unconvincing
This faint and shaky hour
Day one day one start over again
Step one step one
I’m barely making sense for now
I’m faking it ’til I’m pseudo making it
From scratch begin again but this time I as i
And not as we
Gun shy and quivering
Timid without a hand
Feign brave with steel intent
little and hardly here
Day one day one start over again
Step one step one
with not much making sense just yet
I’m faking it til I’m pseudo making it
From scratch begin again but this time I as i
And not as we
Eyes wet toward
Wide open frayed
If God’s taking bets
I pray He wants to lose
Day one day one start over again
Step one step one
I’m barely making sense just yet
I’m faking it til I’m pseudo making it
From scratch begin again but this time I as I
And not as we
Tags: acceptance, Alanis Morissette, art, change, choices, hope, life, loss, love, memories, motivation, moving, moving on, Music, not as we, peace, positive thinking, relationships, self love, Songs, thoughts, video, youtube
After making a list of the things that I want in a new place to live earlier this week I was thinking about what we love about the places we have lived. Here are a few places I have lived and what I remember most.
Wisconsin- deer, lots of snow (loved that as a kid), warm kind people
Ohio- spring bulbs, long temperate summers, corn fields, the first place I felt at home
Florida- natural beauty, swamps, springs, saw grass and oysters at the beach, manatees, simple hard-working people
New Mexico- cultural diversity, ancient history, native peoples, desert, mountains, simple humor, slow pace, bit of spice
Virginia- breath-taking, heart land, all natural, warm open people, artsy
Georgia- natural, wild, rural, funny, good-natured people, lots of good food
So…Where have you lived and what was good about it?
Tags: change, choices, creativity, environment, experiences, family, Florida, georgia, good things, home, imagination, life, memories, motivation, moving, New Mexico, Ohio, people, places I've lived, thoughts, Virginia, Wisconsin
It’s funny that for the majority of my life I have shared my space on various levels with another person. Growing up I spent all but one year sharing a room with my sister. When I moved to college I lived in a scholarship house where I lived with 12 girls for 4 yrs and 20 girls for 1yr- that was an experience. Then I moved to NM and lived by myself for 3 1/2 year until I got married. The of course I had a husband for just short of five years.
