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Category Archives: Poem of the month

A poem written by me.

Disquiet

There is a crack, a tiny hole in the once impenetrable walls.

And though the guards have not noticed and the king sits calmly on his throne,

The engineer is worried.

Silently he measures, calculates and waits.

Waits to tell them the inevitable truth, a truth they do not wish to hear:

The structural integrity has been compromised.

It sounds cool and calm but in his mind he is really saying:

We’re fucked.

One day- not right away, the wall will crack and then crumble

And eventually fall down, all because of that tiny hole.

How could this happen? He had been so vigilant, planned and tested it a thousand times.

Maybe it was the foundation or the mortar

Or an unforeseen wind or movement of the ground.

Be that as it may the whole was there and no amount of plaster could cover the truth.

The wall would fall and they would be left defenseless.

ac 2012

 
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Posted by on 04/15/2012 in Poem of the month

 

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Drifting

Honu,

I have traveled so far out into the ocean that I cannot find the land. I have forgotten the path my heart used to know, the light that guided me through the vast darkness.

I swim on endlessly, not knowing in which direction I travel. No compass star light the darkness above me, no patch of land provides me rest.

And still I  wonder…would I rest if grace afforded me a place? Would I follow if the stars were bright above me? I think not. I drove myself into these deep waters, I ran from all I knew.

Who am I to lament my choices, to change my mind.

 

ac 2012

 
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Posted by on 04/15/2012 in Poem of the month

 

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The shutter

I am breathing again…but only as such.

My heart shutters and tries to rouse itself from this long sleep

But my will casts the spell to keep it dormant.

I fear my heart, I fear being alive.

Learning to accept joy, trust and love again.

I know the spell I cast cannot last.

I feel my heart stir no matter how powerfully

I speak the words to silence it.

One day I will wake and find myself again in the world of the living-

Trusting some part of myself to another.

But for now I stay safe, I stay asleep.

AC 2012

 
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Posted by on 04/15/2012 in Poem of the month

 

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shattered

I threw my life on the ground and watched it shatter.

In a single moment everything, everything that I knew changed.

I raged, wept and futilely tried to put the pieces together.

 

I do not remember the moment I realized that my hands where cut and my blood dulled the once bright edges.

I put the shards down and backed away.

From a distance I could see the irrevocable change

But my hands still reached out.

Sheer force of will and the desire to heal stayed them time and time again.

 

Now a few scares stretch as my hands move once more towards the pieces.

Instead of seeking to replicate what once was, they nimbly dust and wash each;

Looking for the qualities that only it contains: a color, a shape or curvature.

Carefully I lay them out in the mud of this new life.

 

I am unsure how one piece will sit next to another: if the edges will combine to please the eye,

If the colors still compliment in this erratic new state.

But as each piece finds its place I see the whole better, I trust the wisdom of my hands.

It is not the piece I set out to make, not in its function or form

But it is stronger and more beautiful for the breaking.

AC 2012

 
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Posted by on 01/16/2012 in Poem of the month

 

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self induced coma

I sit in my chair reflecting quietly,

And the smile for the sunshine and morning well spent fades

And it is hard to breathe.

My cat sleeps under my comforter, a warning of my mood.

I do not call, I am so sick of my own voice.

I want them to believe I am happy, well.

But for some unknown reason I am lost, broken again.

I do not have the energy to hate myself for this indulgence.

I morn nothing, I hate nothing,

And there is nothing but pain where my heart used to be.

I feel joy in fleeting moments and run from beauty;

Anything that could wake my heart from its sleep.

And yet, it dreams, of love and happiness and peace.

But in my waking world these dreams feel like nightmares.

And what sain person feels like that?

AS 2011

 
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Posted by on 11/12/2011 in Poem of the month

 

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blank pages full head

I am walking through a world of numbness,

Lost between grief and fear.

I hear myself calling from the other side

But I cannot reach me.

 

All the dreams I so carefully placed,

All the bravado people believed, were lies.

I am not doing well, I have not learned to cope,

I have learned to be silent and smile.

 

It is apparent, in this moment without distractions

That my life is still empty, that my heart has not healed.

I question my own ability to thrive

And the desire to do so.

 

Where is the girl I left behind?

Where is the woman confident in her purpose?

Where is the wonder my life held long before I met you?

From where I stand they are but dying embers.

 

How do I rekindle my dreams,

Do I let them burn to cold ash, hoping that something new will come?

Do I follow old dreams and see if there is any life left in them?

Do I let them pass, fearing the consequence of choice?

 

There are no answers but the ones in my bruised heart and battered mind.

I don’t remember how to be kind to myself,

I don’t remember what is it to love myself.

I survive, trying to breathe and sleep at night.

 

A S 2011

 
 

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